Dearest Olive Heather Cascade 220,
When I spotted you on Webs, I thought you would be perfect. I thought, "okay, now here is a color I can see Phillip wearing!"... you see, Phillip's color choices are limited to a mute palette of about one green, one brown, and maybe a blue here or there. If I was going to invest so much time into a project, I wanted it to be one that he loved... or at least would wear more than the obligatory once to make all the work okay. I know I cheated on you many, many, many (about 4 miles worth) times, but I knew as winter approached, I had no choice but to continue our lackluster relationship. I knew I would be destined to be sitting along in a chair watching Law and Order reruns when really I wanted to be out, dancing the night away with a project much more mentally stimulating.
A few days ago when I reached the short row section, I knew I was almost done. I knew I wouldn't have to pretend like I loved you much longer... that soon enough I would be risking life and limb to weave in about 100 ends. I stayed up late to bring the end closer... I worked until my arms were aching and waking me up in the middle of the night. I fiendishly told everyone who would listen at work that I desperately wanted to go home to finish you. You may take this as a sign of affection but it wasn't. You should know that I misread the pattern and wasn't nearly as close to the end as I thought. I was devastated. I wanted to cry thinking I would be lugging around the 10 lb bag you lay in for even longer.
Yesterday during the millionth Law and Order episode, I measured you dutifully and almost screamed when I realized I was to your ending point. It didn't matter that I still had about two hours worth of finishing work... I was just glad I didn't have another massive stockinette or end garter row. As I reflect on our time together, I should say that I was harsh. You weren't so bad. You treated me well and always told me without much prodding that I had made a mistake (even though I didn't care too much). You never had any weird or wrongly written pattern notes. You fit really well without any tedious blocking. And most importantly, you will clothe and keep my love warm all winter.
All those sweet things said, I never want to see you again---11 months and 20 days was long enough.